Updated: Feb 12, 2019
To my friend,
I’m in shock. I know you are, and I totally get why. I’ve been in your position where you’ve not expected to be pregnant and then these two lines show up on that plastic pee test and BOOM, you realize your are pregnant. Not just pregnant, but a mum. The babe is literally no bigger than a pinhead right now but you are it’s mum. Crazy I know. What’s crazier is that your body has already started to change, your boobs are already busting out of your usual bra and your already have this pouch that suggests maybe you just had too much bread. So much change for what, a sesame seed sized fetus. The test has told you, you are pregnant. It’s like nothing has changed, but yet, everything has changed. Your plans you had, have had to be altered to accommodate the new addition to your life. It’s ok. As time goes on, you learn how to make it work. It doesn’t get harder, nope, it just gets busier and life takes you down a different road, a different route you had planned in your early 20’s.
As the weeks go past, that little human you and your hubby made will grow. You will carry him or her for what will feel like 3,758 weeks (and the last few will drag on forever). You will start googling ways to induce labour (if your mini isn’t coming on schedule). Trust me when I say that eating curry does not help. You will feel like you are giving birth, but it won’t be a baby, nope.
You will go into labour, yes, it is inevitable. That babe needs to come out, and as much as you want to go home or change your mind, you will get past that and your body will do this amazing thing and bring your mini into your world.
All those times you watched One Born Every Minute or ANY Youtube video and seen the baby being born and thought, oh shit. OH SHIT. That will all go as soon as you see what you did. After you see what you made. It’s like the ‘mum’ part of you has been waiting on the sidelines, watching you grow (in size and mentally), giving you little bits of her knowledge, just waiting for you to be ready to switch over. Its like a virtual high five was given as soon as you birthed your babe and you, the new mum, has stepped up to the plate and is ready for this game.
Is it going to be easy? No. It isn’t for anyone. Parenting is a whole new gig and there is no manual to refer back to. You are literally winging it, and you know what, it’s the only way to do it! The three of you are doing something you have never done before, and you just wing it. If it works, keep doing it. If it doesn’t, learn from it and try something else.
Sometimes you will feel alone yet you will be surrounded by people (I’m tearing up now as I remember this feeling so clearly). You will question what you are doing and feel as though you are the only one that can do it, that no one else understands. Your mama friends will understand. I will understand.
It’s ok to cry in the shower. It’s ok to not wash your hair for 8 days (or more). It’s ok to wear spew covered nursing bras. It’s ok to get frustrated. It’s ok to not like your baby. It’s ok to let the house look like a bombsite. It’s ok to sleep anytime or anywhere (and it will be anytime). It’s ok to show your friends you aren’t coping. It’s ok to ask for help. IT’S OK. It’s normal and every single new mum has been where you are. You make it work.
Always listen to what people have to say about parenthood, but don’t take everything on board. Take what you need and thank them for their advice (yes, it will annoy the absolute shit out of you but trust me, it’s easier than trying to justify why your way is better – which it always is). You know what your babe needs, wants, loves, hates. You are the mum. You, out of every single person in that babies life, knows them best. Do what you feel and life with your babe will mesh so much more easily.
Take all the photos. Use up all your storage on your phone (buy a Hard Drive cause you will need it), tell every person who will listen about your mini. Don’t feel like you are annoying someone by telling them about all your babes ‘firsts’. You won’t ever have them again. Breathe in your babes smell whenever you can. Kiss their little body. Look into their eyes and sing to them. Tell them you love them every single day (even if they have no idea what you are saying). Hold their hand when they sleep. Hug them tightly whenever you can. Take in every little thing that little human does. Before you know it, they are standing at the fridge asking for Watermelon for the 20th time in the last hour, yelling out our name ‘mum, mum, mama, mama, peeeaasseeeee some melon’.
This time goes so quick. People say it all the time but you really have no idea until you have a baby. Welcome to motherhood, the craziest ride you will ever go on but seriously, the most amazing experience.