I am a mum.
As I sit here writing this, my little babe is fast asleep on her dad’s chest (I got my quick 20 minute power nap in ready for another night of nappy changes, massively engorged boobs and a clingy baby that won’t sleep unless she is attached to her mumma's chest (which I’m totally ok with cause she is so goddamn squishy and I bloody love her).
Let’s go back to this time last week where I was about 2 hours into birthing my babe.
I was at the hospital 2 days prior for reduced fetal movement and they suggested that as I was already 40 + 5 days that they would induce me before my next midwife appointment (which was only 4 days later). I was discharged and told to head home and to call the hospital on the Friday to book an induction date. I made the call and they booked me in for Saturday at 2pm. Holy shit, that is tomorrow! Am I ready?? All of a sudden I became a scared and anxiety ridden woman but that was overcome by the fact that I was well and truly over this pregnancy and I just wanted her out.
Saturday was here, I had washed my feral hair, made sure my eyebrows were in tact and that all my ‘parts’ were shaved clean (you know, just in case it accidentally appeared in a photo or something??) and was looking presentable to have a baby. We had our last breakfast as a family of 2 and then headed to the hospital for the start of the unknown.
We arrived at 2:00pm with bags in tow, were handed some forms to fill in and then ushered to the delivery suites. The rooms are amazing (huge with a big spa bath looking tub), ok I thought, I am ready to do this. I am going to meet my baby today and even though I was excited, I had a big adventure ahead of me that needed to be tackled. As I was being induced, there were 2 options to start with, either they would insert the gel to soften my cervix or break my waters. At this stage I was only 1-2 cms dilated but the midwife felt that it was enough to break my waters and then start me on the drip of Pictocin. Having your waters broken is really like peeing yourself, a lot. It is a weird feeling and after that, it just kept coming out. Everywhere all over the delivery suite.
Ok, this was happening.
I was then started on the drip and the contractions started about 30 minutes later. At the beginning, they were bearable. I was able to breathe through every contraction (which I'd learnt from a lady that did my pregnancy massage at 39 weeks) and was told that I was doing really well (surprisingly since I screamed murder when they inserted the IV Cannular into my arm - it's a cannular Krystle, you still have to give birth). I moved around and used the Exercise Ball to help with the pain (the fiancè doing his best to massage my back through each contraction). I ended up back on the bed, it was strange as on my back was best for me (not sure why but this felt better for me) and went on with no pain relief for another 5 -6 hours. As the Pictocin was increased on the hour, every hour, the contractions came on a lot stronger and were going in waves of 3, non stop, building up and dreaded. The pain was becoming quite bad so I started using the Gas to help. It was more so to help with my breathing more than anything but still, it was there and I was going to use it. I used this method for another 1-2 hours (even though it made me vomit but I was starting to feel really overwhelmed by the pain so I'd do anything at this point) . I was feeling it quite bad in my back and with every contraction I started to sound like a wild animal, grunting through it. I was an animalistic beast (who was about murder anyone that came and tried to take my gas away). Greg was sitting in the chair with a look on his face of 'holy shit, I impregnanted a gorilla'). I was now 5 cms dilated, shit was getting real.
It was becoming too much, I needed an Epidural. There was no question I wanted to the Epidural, I had it in my birth plan however, the previous 7-8 hours I felt I needed to feel that pain to know what it was like. It was shit. I’m not going to lie and would have probably asked for the Epidural earlier but meh, it’s done now and I don’t regret it.
Finally (about 30 minutes later), the Anethetist arrived to administer the Epidural (this was a pain I was super worried about as I hate needles (hello, IV cannular situation) but with what I was experiencing with the contractions I honestly did not care anymore, stab me as much as you like lady, take my pain away!!). The Epi was a strange feeling, the local stung a bit and then the tubing was inserted. It was a lot of pressure and face scrunching but it was in and was starting its job to take my pain away. It took about 20 minutes to take affect and OMG, I was in heaven. The contraction pain faded (I could still feel them slightly but not enough for the grunting to come back) and I could still semi move my legs. I was happy, I was in a really happy place and I could see Gregs face become less distressed by my now minimal amount of pain.
It was about 2:00am and the midwife was telling me it was time to push. Ok, let's do this!! I had gone from being 5cms to 10cms in an hour and a half. I bared down and pushed with all my body, breathe and strength. I felt like my ears would explode or my eyeballs would pop out of my head but I was pushing. Pushing to get my little girl out. I did this 3 times on this one contraction and felt like I was making progress, surely she was out?? No?? Oh, ok damn! I did this again for another 3 contractions but yet she was not coming down. I was becoming so tired and not sure how much more I could keep pushing. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening around me or where the fiancè was at this stage (he did not follow the ‘stay up the head end’ rule PS). At this point, a team of doctors came in and had myself and bub monitored as her heart rate was up and down. I had to keep moving from side to side to keep her heart rate up and I was so tired, this was an effort.
It was about 2:45am and the head doctor came in to see what was happening, she did a check and noticed that bub had her head sideways and was not going to come out unless her head was down. I was put in stirrups and the doctor was all up in my business trying to turn her head (ligaments and tissue was damaged in my pelvis at this stage so now Physio work is needed). It didn’t work. She tried another 2 times but nothing. I was starting to worry but knew they would do what was needed. They then tried using the Vacuum to pull her out. It was attached to her head and they were pulling. I didn’t feel anything but by the look on Gregs face, it was pretty brutal. Like this woman was using all her strength to pull the babe out but still nothing. At 3:15am it was called for an emergency C Section (I was told to sign a consent form which to be honest could have been anything but I didn't give a shit, I was done) and I was wheeled in for surgery. The waiting area before we went in was a rush as the nurse there wanted to try forceps right there and then but the doctor was amazing and just pushed me straight in, I had already gone through enough trauma he thought). Everything happened really fast and all I could do was cry. You really can’t have a Birth Plan cause everything can change in a second and you have to be prepared for that.
I was given more anaesthetic for the surgery and was laid out on a bed ready to bring my baby into this world. The sheet was put up and I had my amazing fiancè by my side with me every step of the way (shit, now I’m crying, I bloody love that guy). I could feel the pushing and pulling, the weird pressure from them cutting the incision, it was strange. Like I felt it but there was no pain at all, it really was a strange experience. After about 8 minutes, I heard the very first cry of my baby girl. They tried to lift her up for me to see but I then heard them say 'oh hang on cut the cord first' which confused me at that point. Greg recut the cord when they took her over to be weighed etc. She was here, she was now part of our world and I was exhausted. I kept falling in and out of sleep but all I kept thinking is that it was over. I was a mum, he was a dad and we had our own little family.
I’m going to be honest and say that I pretty much palmed my baby to Greg once she was all clean, I was exhausted. I cried but I was exhausted. Eventually, after trying to get my bearings, I looked at my little girl and tried to take in every bit of her before they took me to recovery. I had a fever after surgery so the both of us had to be put on IV antibiotics for a few days to rid any infection. After 3 days all was ok and we were back to recovering like a normal surgery patient.
I was told that little miss had a very short umbilical cord (hence why they couldn't lift her for me to see) so every time I tried to push her out, the cord acted like a bungee and would pull her back in. She was not going to come out naturally, no matter how much I tried. And I tried bloody hard too!
The next few days I felt like complete and utter death. I had stitches from the c-section, stitches from a 2nd degree tear (which was caused by the vacuum) and I needed to poop but with the pain, I was dreading every toilet visit. I had a catheter in that needed to be removed and the nurse had me up and walking 6 hours after surgery. I was doing ok but the pain, it was so unbearable. The pain meds were great but did terrible things to my body (ps Endone WILL make you constipated so take a stool softener to help). I would try and sleep but I couldn’t stop staring at the little human I made that slept so peacefully next to me. I made a human.
I was finally discharged after 3 days and it finally hit me that we arrived as a twosome and are now leaving with extra baggage. Parent duties were about to begin. I wasn’t disheartened by my labor, I wouldn’t change it for anything to tell you honestly. Yes, it was shit, no it was not ideal and not at all what was in my birth plan but you know what? My daughter was born into this world, born into my world and I would not have it any other way.
She is my greatest creation and everything I ever wanted. Greg and I are parents. We are responsible for her being and that is something I am soooo looking forward to. I have the most amazing man that is now a dad and he totally nails it! I have never loved him as much as I do now when I see him with our girl.
Hey guys, come look what we made!!! A poo and milk guzzling machine – let the fun begin!